The night of the black out!

In the month of October I went to a comedy show case at my school. Once the show case was over a friend of mine asked me to come hang out with him and his friend at his homeboy house. As usual we played a little drinking game that got me all the way fucked up! Once the game was over, the lights was down and music was blasting, the night went over board. To inform you when I get intoxicated I have an extremely high sexual appetite. I started to give this cute guy a lap dance and from what I was told I was kissing him. I wasn’t aware because I blacked out. So when I came back to my senses I remember going home with him and I went into his room and laid on the bed and after that I don’t remember what happened. When I woke up the next morning in his bed I remember feeling a little satisfied for some odd reason. Now I know I didn’t have sex because I told him I was a virgin still, I know virgins are rare in this day in age, but in my dream I felt like I did something sexual with him. So I asked him what had happened and he looked at me and said “you don’t remember?”. Me looking puzzled I simply responded no. So he replied by saying he needed to wash his sheets because of me. A few weeks later he told me what had actually happened and what happened was that I got pleasured with fingers. Was I upset? Not at all! 

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Background Story

  Ugh, my life has been so confusing! Ever since the summer time, things have been a little off lately. Of course me and my mother never get along, as usual, and I finally came to a decision where I don’t want to speak to her anymore. Unfortunately I’ve been doing things on my own. I swear if I wasn’t in college I would be a damn orphan. A few weeks into my second year if college I realized that my life is getting harder and harder, especially financially…..so I’ve decided that the military is the best life for me. My folks really don’t approve, but as usual the only person to understand is my dad!!!!! Fast forward a few weeks later me and one of my male best friends got into this huge argument because I went off on his ass since he didn’t tell me he had a girlfriend. Before you look side ways, during the summer me and him established that we was going to talk so we can work on our relationship. This is his second chance from me!!!!! Before I left to go to college, again, I told him that if either one of us is feeling the relationship we should let each other know. This mother fucker didn’t let me know and I ended up finding out on Instagram!!!! So after I cursed him out I finally understood where I was coming from and apologized for what he did. He picked the correct timing because I was ready to end our friendship, but we are cool now. Lastly, recently I’ve been avoiding my feelings so far……I’m interested in this boy who I call “Prince of Honesty”. He is a grown man, in the army, who is sexy as fuck with a winning smile. One day he pulled me to the side and told me that he didn’t want to lead me on and that he wasn’t ready for a relationship I was ready for, bottom line we are not on the same page. The crazy thing about this whole situation is that I can tell through his body language that he likes me and somewhat cares about me. There is no surprise that he has the utmost respect for who I am. I appreciate this whole thing but I hate the fact that we don’t communicate. I feel like we met at the wrong time. What surprised me the most is when him and his fraternity brothers threw a party and I caught him in this room with another girl, even though they were like ten feet apart, it made me feel some type of way. As usual my actions speaks volumes and he saw the look on my face that made him look away and walk out that room leaving that girl disappointed. Part of me wish it could be like a Television show were the guy comes after you but let’s face it, this is the real world and the college world at that!!!! I do have a little problem with my self esteem because I was always the one that would be looked over for being a “good girl” and being that I hang out with people who aren’t, it kind of make me feel invisible. But somewhere deep inside it is always rewarding in some small aspects. Prince of Honesty appreciates it even though he doesn’t say it, but his actions tells me he do. I just wish that me and him can work our way to the same page but sometimes all you can do is fallback and leave someone alone until they decide to com around, that’s if they come around. I’m a little hopeful in this situation until I had got drunk and don’t remember the conversation I had with him…….all I remember is that it was something sexual and it made him look twice at me and not in a good way. But even then he still respected me, why? I would never understand!!!!!!!!!! After I stayed the night at a friends house for a few days I sent him a text message apologizing, influenced by my female best friend, for my actions when I was under the influence and ever since then we have not seen or spoken to one another. Because I’ve been avoiding running into him. Now its Christmas break and I don’t know what I should do anymore……should I continue to be somewhat cool or fallback and act like I never met him before, despite the fact I have to see him practically everyday…..a college student who is lost and confused.

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