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  Ugh, my life has been so confusing! Ever since the summer time, things have been a little off lately. Of course me and my mother never get along, as usual, and I finally came to a decision where I don’t want to speak to her anymore. Unfortunately I’ve been doing things on my own. I swear if I wasn’t in college I would be a damn orphan. A few weeks into my second year if college I realized that my life is getting harder and harder, especially financially…..so I’ve decided that the military is the best life for me. My folks really don’t approve, but as usual the only person to understand is my dad!!!!! Fast forward a few weeks later me and one of my male best friends got into this huge argument because I went off on his ass since he didn’t tell me he had a girlfriend. Before you look side ways, during the summer me and him established that we was going to talk so we can work on our relationship. This is his second chance from me!!!!! Before I left to go to college, again, I told him that if either one of us is feeling the relationship we should let each other know. This mother fucker didn’t let me know and I ended up finding out on Instagram!!!! So after I cursed him out I finally understood where I was coming from and apologized for what he did. He picked the correct timing because I was ready to end our friendship, but we are cool now. Lastly, recently I’ve been avoiding my feelings so far……I’m interested in this boy who I call “Prince of Honesty”. He is a grown man, in the army, who is sexy as fuck with a winning smile. One day he pulled me to the side and told me that he didn’t want to lead me on and that he wasn’t ready for a relationship I was ready for, bottom line we are not on the same page. The crazy thing about this whole situation is that I can tell through his body language that he likes me and somewhat cares about me. There is no surprise that he has the utmost respect for who I am. I appreciate this whole thing but I hate the fact that we don’t communicate. I feel like we met at the wrong time. What surprised me the most is when him and his fraternity brothers threw a party and I caught him in this room with another girl, even though they were like ten feet apart, it made me feel some type of way. As usual my actions speaks volumes and he saw the look on my face that made him look away and walk out that room leaving that girl disappointed. Part of me wish it could be like a Television show were the guy comes after you but let’s face it, this is the real world and the college world at that!!!! I do have a little problem with my self esteem because I was always the one that would be looked over for being a “good girl” and being that I hang out with people who aren’t, it kind of make me feel invisible. But somewhere deep inside it is always rewarding in some small aspects. Prince of Honesty appreciates it even though he doesn’t say it, but his actions tells me he do. I just wish that me and him can work our way to the same page but sometimes all you can do is fallback and leave someone alone until they decide to com around, that’s if they come around. I’m a little hopeful in this situation until I had got drunk and don’t remember the conversation I had with him…….all I remember is that it was something sexual and it made him look twice at me and not in a good way. But even then he still respected me, why? I would never understand!!!!!!!!!! After I stayed the night at a friends house for a few days I sent him a text message apologizing, influenced by my female best friend, for my actions when I was under the influence and ever since then we have not seen or spoken to one another. Because I’ve been avoiding running into him. Now its Christmas break and I don’t know what I should do anymore……should I continue to be somewhat cool or fallback and act like I never met him before, despite the fact I have to see him practically everyday…..a college student who is lost and confused.

This Is the BackStory Of PepperStep.

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About Pepperstep

I am a proud leo and a 2nd year College Student who is advancing on her 3rd pretty soon while also looking into becoming Military Bound. I wanted to start blogging about my life and other events that affect me. I look forward to sharing my entries with you all since I have found my it as my new way of understanding myself and the situations around me. Be ready to gaze into the mind of Me.

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